Dad...

Well, Dad passed away June 9, 2008. It has been a grueling couple of weeks leading up to his passing. Watching him as his health waned was tough on us. My mom (a hero of mine) bore the brunt of watching after dad. She has done such an amazing job taking care of him.

My parents
They were married on July 7, 1962 (i think... i wasn't there). They were approaching their 50 year anniversary. In 50 years you get to know someone pretty well. My mom has persisted with my dad through years of trials & triumphs. I'd love to know what their favorite memory was of each other.

In the last 6.5 years, my mom has:

• Endured learning of her husband's cancer
• Seeing him go through surgeries
• Seeing him champion through the treatments
• Waking up with him while he was sick
• Helping him into the car to travel to the hospital
• Sitting with him at Hospice
• Seeing him off on his journey home

My mom really has been a hero. It makes me think how I should respect & value my own wife... she will likely be the one seeing me off into the next life.

My Dad
My dad has been an amazing force. Far from perfect, he still found a way to express pride in who I had become. He was utterly proud of Deb & Sam and their two sons. He was happy at the salvation of my sister, Donna before she passed. His granddaughter, Dallas, softened his heart. Charli captured his gaze in the last few months of his life. It is a great thing to see who he became. Dad delivered a great amount of wisdom to us. Each nugget was laced with a witty sarcasm. Lots of conversations ended in laughter.

In the last few years, I've grown closer to my dad after seeing him being more of a father rather than just a provider. Truth told, I knew he was a great provider all my life. He worked all the time. Even when he wasn't working, he was working on something... or watching a race or the news. I've often said he was the "best damned welder in NC." I wasn't kidding. I know, that sounds like a son's words. But there are folks who would pass up 3 other qualified welders to ask my dad to do the job.

Lessons Learned
Some folks know I had built a book listing lessons learned from my dad... well, here are 10 of the lessons I feel best describe how dad taught.
10. Dad has backed up more miles over one way bridges looking for a place to pee steering with one knee that I've driven forward in my whole life.
9. Satellite dishes cannot jump out in front of a riding lawn mower.
8. There's a Doctor or Lawyer somewhere with a redneck son thinking, "Lord, where did I go wrong?"
7. Why do today what you can put off indefinitely?
6. Keys must be a good thing to have, you never know when you'll come to a lock!
5. There's no reason to be so close to the back bumper of that car in front of you. Who cares if your reflexes are fast enough, let's not test them out.
4. If you think you can, or if you think you can't... You're Right!
3. The best time to look for a job is when you have a job...
2. Get a job.
1. Son, one day you're gonna meet a girl. And the bells are gonna ring... and the whistles are gonna blow... Son, when that day comes... come tell me.

Memories I'll Cherish
1. My wedding day.
Though it's punctuated with still shots in my memory, many of those images have my dad in them. I can remember little tidbits of what he said... I barely remember the day. The one image I have in my mind is the one where my dad & I are standing side-by-side in the exact same stance at the rehearsal. I remember him standing by me and congratulating me on the choice of my bride. He was as proud of Rebekah as if she were his own daughter.

Additionally, Rebekah was able to look at him as more than just a Father-in-Law. I am happy to know that my wife misses him as much as any of the family. It isn't common for a couple to have great in-laws like we do. Sadly, when you love your in-laws... it means it hurts when they're no longer with us.

2. Fishing on Cape Look Out.
It was after Rebekah & I moved to Charlotte that Dad's friend, Phil, invited dad & me to go surf fishing. I was never fond of fishing before this because I didn't know how to tie a hook on nor did I know the tricks of making fish want my hook above all the other stuff available for them to consume. Besides the fishing, sand & time off... the fishing trip allowed me to spend some long overdue quality time with my dad. On that trip, I heard him tell me how proud he was several times over. He reiterated his own love for mom. (Sons need to know that their dad loves their mom, it makes them totally know that they're not going to be abandoned.)

We laughed a ton among the guys on the trip. I gained an even more solid respect for who my dad is. People pointed out how much alike we were. There was a time I would have scoffed at the accusation but I now have a great deal of pride when someone tells me how much like my dad I am.

3. Houston Airport.
Though this wasn't one of my most glorious moments, all I can say is that my dad acted out the message of the cross with me. In the word, we read how the Creator loved his children so much that he would leave his home to rescue them from their own stupidity. My dad showed me what it means to be a loving father. The bible says that even while we were still sinners, Christ died for us... Even while I was living in rebellion, my dad sacrificed to bring me back. This story has countless levels and likely means more to me than it would to those who would listen.

The point is, some folks see their dad as a tyrant, authoritarian, disciplinarian or ruler of his domain.... It took me a long time to see my father as a daddy. Even remembering all the times where we didn't see eye-to-eye, the only way I can see my dad is as a loving Dad doing his best play the part designed for him that I might know my Father.

4. Rocking a baby.
There was no other day like the day my dad got to rock Charli in his arms. It was one thing to see my daughter and hold her. It was quite another to share her with my mom & dad. My dad's face lit up like when he saw my daughter. He loved having us bring her into his room at Hospice. She was fortunate to have met him. I am going to work diligently to make sure she knows who he was as I live out his godly example in her life.

I've heard it said history doesn't repeat itself... but it rhymes. I grew up barely knowing my Dad's parents. Who can say that I am the better or worse for it. Speculation says that I would have been spoiled (or arguably more so) if I had been raised by them. I don't think my parents favored me, but then again... the favorite would always say that... right? Instead, I believe I was simply being raised by an almost totally different set of parents than my sisters'. That said, Charli may never remember her Pappaw. But I will have a ton of fun sharing his stories, personality and guidance with her. We will never know how things could have been... All we can do is work with the way things are.

5. Christmas in Ruth.
Many years, I worked with dad to prepare the little town of Ruth for christmas. That entailed lifting, loading & unloading christmas decorations from a truck to be hung throughout the small town. Several of the decorations had to be repainted (though I never helped with that).

The irony of it all lies in the fact that my dad & I are both relative "hum-bugs" about christmas festivities. Okay, okay. I enjoy the gifts; I enjoy family and I'm down with the "reason for the season." But what irritates me is the stuff-itis people catch during santa season. To make it funnier, my dad actually MADE christmas decorations. He'd frequently ask me if I wanted to have a christmas decoration in the front of our house. I said yes, but only if he made a special one that said "Bah! Hum-bug."

6. Sphincter Intelligentus
Yes we were! Our family (Mom, Dad, Deb, Donna, Josh, Jonathan & I) have always had a way with words. I guess you could boil down the philosophy into: Wisdom stinks without wit. But that would be like saying everything we said was wise. By no means! Most of the time, it was jokes and sarcasm that made us laugh out loud. We may have even been laughing at you. Who knows. But the humor was never lacking and the precise timing of words was something Dad was always working on.

7. Puddin'
Dad once had a bowl of pudding in hospice. He jokingly made a threatening action that he was going to flip some at my mom for not agreeing to get him something he wanted. She stood right behind me as if to say: You wouldn't hit your son would you. Then he retreated. When he thought it over again, he asked mom to move back behind me and he'd try.

I know what your question is. Yes, I believe he would have.

8. Memorial.
Several folks who were at the Memorial services said they hope to be remembered like dad was. After the somewhat normal pageantry of a funeral service, some of dad's former co-workers, friends & family were invited to stand up and share their memories of dad. Chester was the first to stand and share his top 10 favorite memories of dad, many of which included getting dad into a riled discussion or comments on my continuing education. Then Bum shared his memories of my dad's humor & heart. The amazing part was watching Hawk stand in front of the folks and share (without tears) the story of Big Daddy Boyce.

For the most part, people were laughing more than they were crying. After a few other folks, I got a chance to thank the folks for sharing their thoughts & memories by sharing some of the lessons I had learned from dad.

My dad will be sorely missed. I'm waiting for it to sink in. I know I won't be able to ask his advice or joke with him for quite a while. Now it is my responsibility to continue his legacy and then ensure my arrival in heaven to see him again. I'm looking forward to seeing him again and am very happy that he is enjoying his eternity now.

I love you dad!