Spinning Plates, Juggling Bowling Balls

Y'ever get those days, weeks, months where you feel that your life has been an engine revving out of gear? That feeling of sitting at a stop light and somehow the shifter got knocked into neutral while you weren't looking... Or worse, the transmission goes out just as the light turns green and... YOU'RE OFF!... Then you get that momentary sinking feeling in your gut as the optical illusion of the cars going by you make you feel like you're going backwards?

What the heck am I doing? Why am I not moving? What am I doing wrong?

Sound familiar? Sometimes I'm so concerned with treating everyone fairly and right that I end up beating myself up over the possibility of being wrong. Focusing on being right rather than that one first love of mine: "That they might know you, the only true G_d & Messiah Yeshua who you have sent."

It's so easy to get this wierd focus on the completion of a chore, the execution of a project or the delivery of a final product. It's far too easy to measure myself based on income, profit or the satisfaction of a client. Continually critiquing myself in the harsh eyes of reality that i'm not perfect.

Everyone's eyes seem to turn into harsh, cold mirrors that reflect my every mistake and flaw. Frustration leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering... no, wait... that's yoda... you get the point.

When I get focused on my imperfections, limitations & insufficiencies, the gears slip and gas burns but nothing happens.

If I'm not careful, I just stop trying. Then there's those other condemning people who tell you that they have "never thought of quitting."

Yeah, right. That's just not human.

Well, today is another day. And today, I want to do the best Jesus impression I know how to do.

Maybe. Just possibly. Someone will get us confused and they'll see a little bit more of him than me today.

Other wise sayings:

"All that glitters is not gold"
~ Unknown

"Amateurs practice until they can do it right,
Professionals practice until they CAN'T do it wrong."
~Unknown

"'Tis better to remain silent & be thought a fool; than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
~Unknown

Relating to the Father

Yet another string of "Blah blah blah!"

So, it seems I'm trying to enumerate & postulate how I relate to the Most High. His title's don't make it easy to relate... it's so difficult to think how my low life could be so important to one so far above. I left a lengthy, blow-hard response on a friend's blog (Tommy & Becky, a couple whom I admire).

The only way I know to relate to Him is to see how He's expressed his infatuation with me. I mentioned how I see Him as a father because I can recognize the same loving outreach from my own dad.

Y'know, I've come closer than I care to think in losing my dad. In almost 33 years, if I were to tell you about my Dad, it would have very little of those arguments or conflicts. Instead, it would be painted through the rose-tinted glass of a totally loving dad. It took me a long time to figure out what the rose-tint of the glass was... but I finally figured it out: there's blood on the glass.

Relating to a Father in heaven is so much easier when you've had a live example given to you. Like I said on the Browns' blog, if you're dad is like mine... relating to G_d as a father seems simple... but if you're dad's a real S.O.B., it can be a stretch. I think that's why he gave us so many examples of how He relates to us... so we can find the one where we easily relate to him as a starting point... Afterwards, we simply can stretch into the others.

Some people have been riddled with bad relationships. Thus it's hard to see the Church as a loving Family (especially, when they're not), G_d as a Father or His Spirit's conviction as a Comfort. There are days when we all see the Father from the skewed perspective of a fallen world.

Then, you have this dysfunctional family of his that acts more as a pack of wild, rabid dogs than a support group of loving siblings. In fact, it seems the single greatest cause of doubt in a Loving Father are the kids that profess his love so much.

Relating to him becomes difficult when it seems his kids are always finding a way to exclude you. What's worse, the love becomes thinner when you're a returning instead of arriving for the first time. It seems as if you're not trusted and labeled a "spy." As my friend Tim stated once at Liquid, "The love of G_d is freely given to newcomers. But if you've 'messed up' in a big way... you're still loved, but not as much." Y'see, we as "Christians" are more apt to make a person feel uncomfortable than to accept them. That's an easy way to help others misunderstand how their Father & Creator wants to relate to them.