Spinning Plates, Juggling Bowling Balls

Y'ever get those days, weeks, months where you feel that your life has been an engine revving out of gear? That feeling of sitting at a stop light and somehow the shifter got knocked into neutral while you weren't looking... Or worse, the transmission goes out just as the light turns green and... YOU'RE OFF!... Then you get that momentary sinking feeling in your gut as the optical illusion of the cars going by you make you feel like you're going backwards?

What the heck am I doing? Why am I not moving? What am I doing wrong?

Sound familiar? Sometimes I'm so concerned with treating everyone fairly and right that I end up beating myself up over the possibility of being wrong. Focusing on being right rather than that one first love of mine: "That they might know you, the only true G_d & Messiah Yeshua who you have sent."

It's so easy to get this wierd focus on the completion of a chore, the execution of a project or the delivery of a final product. It's far too easy to measure myself based on income, profit or the satisfaction of a client. Continually critiquing myself in the harsh eyes of reality that i'm not perfect.

Everyone's eyes seem to turn into harsh, cold mirrors that reflect my every mistake and flaw. Frustration leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering... no, wait... that's yoda... you get the point.

When I get focused on my imperfections, limitations & insufficiencies, the gears slip and gas burns but nothing happens.

If I'm not careful, I just stop trying. Then there's those other condemning people who tell you that they have "never thought of quitting."

Yeah, right. That's just not human.

Well, today is another day. And today, I want to do the best Jesus impression I know how to do.

Maybe. Just possibly. Someone will get us confused and they'll see a little bit more of him than me today.

Relating to the Father

Yet another string of "Blah blah blah!"

So, it seems I'm trying to enumerate & postulate how I relate to the Most High. His title's don't make it easy to relate... it's so difficult to think how my low life could be so important to one so far above. I left a lengthy, blow-hard response on a friend's blog (Tommy & Becky, a couple whom I admire).

The only way I know to relate to Him is to see how He's expressed his infatuation with me. I mentioned how I see Him as a father because I can recognize the same loving outreach from my own dad.

Y'know, I've come closer than I care to think in losing my dad. In almost 33 years, if I were to tell you about my Dad, it would have very little of those arguments or conflicts. Instead, it would be painted through the rose-tinted glass of a totally loving dad. It took me a long time to figure out what the rose-tint of the glass was... but I finally figured it out: there's blood on the glass.

Relating to a Father in heaven is so much easier when you've had a live example given to you. Like I said on the Browns' blog, if you're dad is like mine... relating to G_d as a father seems simple... but if you're dad's a real S.O.B., it can be a stretch. I think that's why he gave us so many examples of how He relates to us... so we can find the one where we easily relate to him as a starting point... Afterwards, we simply can stretch into the others.

Some people have been riddled with bad relationships. Thus it's hard to see the Church as a loving Family (especially, when they're not), G_d as a Father or His Spirit's conviction as a Comfort. There are days when we all see the Father from the skewed perspective of a fallen world.

Then, you have this dysfunctional family of his that acts more as a pack of wild, rabid dogs than a support group of loving siblings. In fact, it seems the single greatest cause of doubt in a Loving Father are the kids that profess his love so much.

Relating to him becomes difficult when it seems his kids are always finding a way to exclude you. What's worse, the love becomes thinner when you're a returning instead of arriving for the first time. It seems as if you're not trusted and labeled a "spy." As my friend Tim stated once at Liquid, "The love of G_d is freely given to newcomers. But if you've 'messed up' in a big way... you're still loved, but not as much." Y'see, we as "Christians" are more apt to make a person feel uncomfortable than to accept them. That's an easy way to help others misunderstand how their Father & Creator wants to relate to them.

How do I relate to G_d?

bekster's blog (This is a blog by some friends: Tommy & Becky Brown)
In my circle of blog buddies, I was reading through the blog of an acquaintance... To tell you the truth, it was like reading the lead in to one of Tim's sunday topical studies...

She asks a really good question in her blog... This is a HIGHLY profound question. I haven't read the WHOLE saga... to be honest, I just tuned in to her blog thru Mike Polutta's blog, thru Larry Salley's Blog... and so on...

to boil it down how I read it:

"... my worship by means of congregational singing has gotten really stale and mundane, and I find it hard to focus on what is really important ... This still brings me back to the question of how should I relate to G-d? Looking at the marriage analogy again, since there was no blatantly obvious “falling in love” stage, the “honeymoon” stage was not very passionate."

"How should I relate to G-d?"

Y'know, her question is a just one. I gotta tell ya... it was hard for me to put into words... it still is. How does one relate to one who has so many roles?

• He's a Dad.
• He's a lover.
• He's a disciplinarian.
• He's a homeless person.
• He's down-right confusing at times!

So... How does one relate to this nebulous being in the far blue yonder? Sure, Max Lucado has said that "G_d came near" and we've heard the "stories" of 2000 years ago or more.

How do I relate to G_d?

Now for some hyper-theological Xtians, I think it's fair to say who might comment (though none have so far)... We don't need a hermaneutical study. No overbearing use of greek, hebrew or aramaic (with the exception of Tim Lucas).

Now this is deep water here. Just in the list above, it's easy to see that G_d expresses himself in so many faces. Once we get the grasp on Him as a dad, he pursues us like a star-struck lover... Next, he brings discipline to our doorstep... the next he requiers our help and assistance.

Becky brings the illustration to the "simpler" marriage image... YEAH RIGHT. Okay guys... which of you has figured out your wife's total reasoning? Who among us would DARE say he totally understands the marriage relationship... So, in our confusion of how that works in our "normal" life, now we have to figure out how it relates to G_d.

Becky brings up a GREAT point: If we're to equate a marriage relationship with the Creator, why didn't we "date?" If we did "date," why don't I remember it? When did we fall in love? Assuming the Marriage took place at salvation, where was the "Honeymoon?" Why don't I remember it? And worse: In an Earthly marriage, we at least have the consolation that s/he's wrong as often as I am... It's so Alien to consider that you're never wrong... but never rub it in our face... and you love me anyway.

How does one relate to you, G_d?

How do I relate to you?

Staring thru Sunglasses

Tim Lucas of Liquid has gotten me somewhat addicted to listening to U2. I stumbled upon a quote by Bono: "it is impossible to meet G-d with sunglasses on." I don't generally SPELL out "gee-oh-dee." No, I'm not jewish. It's a personal practice.

This creator made some seriously cool stuff. But he made one item that never ceases to amaze me: people. Whether they're in need or wealthy... whether they're arrogant or humble... rude or kind... mean or nice... strange or normal... they're all created in the image of the creator. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone when you don't consider that. I can easily want to see a person suffer when I don't consider that they deserve the exact same punishment I do. Then i have to stop being so friggen cocky (it's a barely noticable trait) and consider the other person through different eyes.

I sometimes tend to walk up to a person who is taking up space and breathing air and approach them as an object that has one of two purposes:

1. Do as I wish or instruct
2. Piss me off

It seems those are the two most popular choices... And with only THOSE two choices, it's not surprising that the second happens far more often than the first.

Now, I'm not simply looking for people to either please me or get out of the way... most of the time. But we all do that. We all walk into a scenario with other people and a set of loaded expectations and a deck stacked against them. The problem is, they are often walking in with an equally stacked deck. It then becomes an others/self sceneario. So why is it so easy to only think about what will affect "me?"

Well, my current answer is: I live with myself 24 hrs a day... 7 days a week... 365 days a year. I have to spend holidays with myself, weekends, vacations, sporting events... i can't even go to the bathroom without myself. Really. Can't a person have some privacy?

We are surrounded with "self" and so little time do we spend with others. It's like ... well, it's like Coach Sal & Jogging. I know the dude runs like 9 million miles a day because he surrounds himself with all the trimmings of a runner. In the same way, we tend to surround ourself with ourself.

When we perform well, we see that as a jewel of our life... We set it on display. We polish it. We prize it. We want it noticed. But, when we don't perform, that's something else to throw into the closet of unforgettable memories. And yet, that over loaded closet has armed guards and is often protected more than our treasured parts. The closet gets full; overflows & spills out so that now everyone is pointing at our faux pas. Our jewel gets scuffed and begins to smell of the rank disgust of our room of disgrace. Now we must over compensate and create confidence out of cocky.

It's tougher to walk into the presence of someone so selfless as Yeshua when my self seems to be such a big part of who I am. Everyone tells us to "be yourself." We spend years trying to "find" ourself. Philosophies make it necessary to "know" one's self.

Now you have this self-proclaimed deity dude saying forget yourself. So we trade freedom with the barrier of cool sunglasses. And safest place to appear without your sunglasses, becomes the most difficult place to go.

With so many Xtians (where x is the Greek letter Chi which stands for Christ the greek word for Messiah) who parade about as if to say: "Y'know, Jesus could have simply pricked his finger and washed my sin away... but he had to DIE because of you." It's easy to forget that they're just as trapped by their sunglasses, too. Almost all of us have a hiding place that we don't even want the Creator to come. Almost all of us have times where we want to wear a disguise in hopes that even our Savior doesn't recognize us. Sometimes it's pride. Often it's fear. Mostly it's guilt. But it's not guilt heaped on by your Father.