More on Charli

Well, Bek's parents came by this week to watch Charli as Beks went back to work for a week to help her kids with EOG testing. Needless to say, I was going to have my hands full with client work, meetings and keeping a little girl who has only seen light-of-day for about 2 months. Thankfully, Bek's mom n dad were able to be a great support. 

Charli can really burp. When she's fed, she'll get to a point where she is kinda just hanging onto the bottle... not really taking anymore in. I'll take the bottle out (we're pumping Mommy-milk & bottle feeding to let Beks rest) and slowly sit her upright... With one hand in her abdomen, and the other leaning her forward as she sits on my knee... then BURP. 

Okay... (other people's) Baby's just aren't cute to me. I don't like spit-up. I am not fond of flailing fannies with fecal matter nor the idea of wiping down a wriggling child with wet wipes. The thing that takes the cake: a child's hand slathered in something resembling food which is now placed firmly in your hair... on the remote... or under your pillow. 

Sorry, I just don't think that's cute. Maybe funny when it happens... but not cute. 

[Enter Charlize Marianela Goode (Charli for short).]

Truth be told, some folks... heck... even some of you who may be reading this blog now! Some folks said: "Pete, everything changes when you get married!" Well, I just didn't believe you. First of all, besides 2 major things (living in the same house & doin' th' deed... ahem), Beks & I are still friends. We still talk and enjoy spending time with each other. Honestly, to the point I can't stand spending large amounts of time without her... She really is the better half of my world. But most folks made it sound like marriage made her grow another head and that her sweet disposition was a way to lure me into her lair where she'd turn me into some submissive, panty-wearing girl. And that my only notable phrase would be: "Yes, dear." 

Or, that I would become this domineering husband who made her tremble in fear of my wrath... That I would sit in the den on Saturdays & Sundays with "Th' boys" and watch  "Th' Game" or "Th' Race" while consuming vast amounts of junk food and beverages. Sorry, just seem's a dumbed down way of looking at marriage. Sorry. Not happening. We're both thinking, rational Christ-following adults. Well, most everyone (IMHO) was wrong with marriage. (I'm babbling... back on topic).

So, since most folks were wrong with marriage (all those negative things)... it was no surprise that the same folks told me how EVERYTHING changes with kids. To a degree, they were exaggerating. But they weren't wrong this time. Let me 'splain... no. there is too much... let me sum up.

Y'know... the Creator of heaven and earth has a way of demonstrating his Love for us. It's called: Children. I realized the love of the Father was really not dependent upon what we've done, produced or become. Charli hasn't "done" anything in the last 8 weeks. Nothing purposeful. I don't think pooping in a diaper was a voluntary action to test our resolve at loving her. Still, I realize... there is nothing this girl can do to make me regret her birth. There's nothing she could do or become that would make me ashamed to be called her dad. Now, I expect that she'll make mistakes and do things wrong. I expect that she will see my displeasure and feel my discipline. But I will always have a beaming pride in who she is. Now turn that around... Realize the Father of Creation looks at us the same way. When I screw up (i'm Goode at that) He still looks at me with the same chest-out, beaming pride! It's the rest of the church that tries to convince you otherwise. Why? Because they realize how unsure they are in the truth of G_d's love. In fact, it becomes obvious to those who are parents how the wrath of the Warrior of heaven is fueled by his love for his Children.

I've realized how fierce a person can become when it comes to their children. It is only a half-joke to hear a dad says his shotgun is loaded when his daughter arrives home from the hospital. The truth is, mine is (minus one in the chamber). I realize that the life of lesser life-forms on this earth (you) mean so little in comparison to the life of my wife and daughter. It's almost savage. It's the notion that we can be the best of friends. But if you lay a hand on my daughter... (or worse... my Wife), I then lose all regards for your personal safety and well-being.

Someone says: "Well, that doesn't sound very Christ-like." Well, I disagree. Sure... there's forgiveness. But in the moment where I have to choose which is more valuable? I choose my wife & daughter any day, hands down. So, in respect to becoming a Dad... I was savage before she was born. But now I feel an inner animal instinct to protect my offspring... whatever that requires of me. (Think Messiah & a cross) Whatever that requires of me. The Father falling for the fallen. Think the champion for the weak.

Beyond the desire to protect my girls, there's also the more practical areas of life impact. In the wisdom of the Creator, he made children come out as fairly low-impact. Low-impact meaning, they can't walk, talk or hide the remote yet. So, you kind of get thrust into a gradual increase of responsibility. Initially, you're just the transportation, care-taker & food source. As things progress, you also have to field moving objects, become the goalie to protect them from objects (and objects from them), and life instructor. Sure, the initial wake up call is rather brash... but it's fairly innocuous. Adjusting a sleep schedule, allotting 30 extra minutes for any activities, finding ways to escape the home and gain sanity.

We're fortunate that we both work from home and that Charli is a very low-maintenance child. She's not colicky, nor does she have any major health concerns. I cannot imagine what some friends go through when faced with facts detrimental to the health of their child. We're truly fortunate. That said, we also make a point to find a baby-sitter (friends & family) to care for her as we escape the home on purpose to spend time together (We went to watch 2 movies this week!).

So, the everything changes when you have a child... Busted. It's not true. Unless you let it be true. I can see that much more will change. I understand that parents feel the weighing responsibility for the child's safety & future. I know there'll be parts that scare the crap out of us and make us cry. There will be parts where we can't control the smiles on our face. But that's life! Life changes. Life requires more from us as we become more. But it changed course on the day of her birth. It was only 5 degrees different when she was born. But 5 degrees over years is miles apart from what might have been if she wasn't here. And that is unimaginable.

If you have kids, take a look at them. Is there anything in your house they could break that would destroy your love for them? If yes, you need to get rid of that thing... If no... well, that means you have a brain and a heart. I know we're now embarking on a great journey. But, it's a journey that has twists & turns... it's not like we jump track and begin speaking martian all of the sudden. It's a gradual change so far... I expect there will be unexpected parts. But I also think you get what you look for (ask, seek & knock). We expect the two's, tween & teen years to be great years with great memories punctuated by teaching moments.

It's going to be a fun ride! I trust that the Father has us under his hand. I can only believe that He can work it all out to the Goode & nothing will come at us we're not capable of facing. I think becoming a father is an event to build my faith.

I'm not dreading it. I'm looking forward to it. The alternative is not going through it. Now, put that in your pipe and smoke it! Imagine NOT seeing those little ones through those years. Puts it in a different perspective.

Spinning Plates, Juggling Bowling Balls

Y'ever get those days, weeks, months where you feel that your life has been an engine revving out of gear? That feeling of sitting at a stop light and somehow the shifter got knocked into neutral while you weren't looking... Or worse, the transmission goes out just as the light turns green and... YOU'RE OFF!... Then you get that momentary sinking feeling in your gut as the optical illusion of the cars going by you make you feel like you're going backwards?

What the heck am I doing? Why am I not moving? What am I doing wrong?

Sound familiar? Sometimes I'm so concerned with treating everyone fairly and right that I end up beating myself up over the possibility of being wrong. Focusing on being right rather than that one first love of mine: "That they might know you, the only true G_d & Messiah Yeshua who you have sent."

It's so easy to get this wierd focus on the completion of a chore, the execution of a project or the delivery of a final product. It's far too easy to measure myself based on income, profit or the satisfaction of a client. Continually critiquing myself in the harsh eyes of reality that i'm not perfect.

Everyone's eyes seem to turn into harsh, cold mirrors that reflect my every mistake and flaw. Frustration leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering... no, wait... that's yoda... you get the point.

When I get focused on my imperfections, limitations & insufficiencies, the gears slip and gas burns but nothing happens.

If I'm not careful, I just stop trying. Then there's those other condemning people who tell you that they have "never thought of quitting."

Yeah, right. That's just not human.

Well, today is another day. And today, I want to do the best Jesus impression I know how to do.

Maybe. Just possibly. Someone will get us confused and they'll see a little bit more of him than me today.

Relating to the Father

Yet another string of "Blah blah blah!"

So, it seems I'm trying to enumerate & postulate how I relate to the Most High. His title's don't make it easy to relate... it's so difficult to think how my low life could be so important to one so far above. I left a lengthy, blow-hard response on a friend's blog (Tommy & Becky, a couple whom I admire).

The only way I know to relate to Him is to see how He's expressed his infatuation with me. I mentioned how I see Him as a father because I can recognize the same loving outreach from my own dad.

Y'know, I've come closer than I care to think in losing my dad. In almost 33 years, if I were to tell you about my Dad, it would have very little of those arguments or conflicts. Instead, it would be painted through the rose-tinted glass of a totally loving dad. It took me a long time to figure out what the rose-tint of the glass was... but I finally figured it out: there's blood on the glass.

Relating to a Father in heaven is so much easier when you've had a live example given to you. Like I said on the Browns' blog, if you're dad is like mine... relating to G_d as a father seems simple... but if you're dad's a real S.O.B., it can be a stretch. I think that's why he gave us so many examples of how He relates to us... so we can find the one where we easily relate to him as a starting point... Afterwards, we simply can stretch into the others.

Some people have been riddled with bad relationships. Thus it's hard to see the Church as a loving Family (especially, when they're not), G_d as a Father or His Spirit's conviction as a Comfort. There are days when we all see the Father from the skewed perspective of a fallen world.

Then, you have this dysfunctional family of his that acts more as a pack of wild, rabid dogs than a support group of loving siblings. In fact, it seems the single greatest cause of doubt in a Loving Father are the kids that profess his love so much.

Relating to him becomes difficult when it seems his kids are always finding a way to exclude you. What's worse, the love becomes thinner when you're a returning instead of arriving for the first time. It seems as if you're not trusted and labeled a "spy." As my friend Tim stated once at Liquid, "The love of G_d is freely given to newcomers. But if you've 'messed up' in a big way... you're still loved, but not as much." Y'see, we as "Christians" are more apt to make a person feel uncomfortable than to accept them. That's an easy way to help others misunderstand how their Father & Creator wants to relate to them.

How do I relate to G_d?

bekster's blog (This is a blog by some friends: Tommy & Becky Brown)
In my circle of blog buddies, I was reading through the blog of an acquaintance... To tell you the truth, it was like reading the lead in to one of Tim's sunday topical studies...

She asks a really good question in her blog... This is a HIGHLY profound question. I haven't read the WHOLE saga... to be honest, I just tuned in to her blog thru Mike Polutta's blog, thru Larry Salley's Blog... and so on...

to boil it down how I read it:

"... my worship by means of congregational singing has gotten really stale and mundane, and I find it hard to focus on what is really important ... This still brings me back to the question of how should I relate to G-d? Looking at the marriage analogy again, since there was no blatantly obvious “falling in love” stage, the “honeymoon” stage was not very passionate."

"How should I relate to G-d?"

Y'know, her question is a just one. I gotta tell ya... it was hard for me to put into words... it still is. How does one relate to one who has so many roles?

• He's a Dad.
• He's a lover.
• He's a disciplinarian.
• He's a homeless person.
• He's down-right confusing at times!

So... How does one relate to this nebulous being in the far blue yonder? Sure, Max Lucado has said that "G_d came near" and we've heard the "stories" of 2000 years ago or more.

How do I relate to G_d?

Now for some hyper-theological Xtians, I think it's fair to say who might comment (though none have so far)... We don't need a hermaneutical study. No overbearing use of greek, hebrew or aramaic (with the exception of Tim Lucas).

Now this is deep water here. Just in the list above, it's easy to see that G_d expresses himself in so many faces. Once we get the grasp on Him as a dad, he pursues us like a star-struck lover... Next, he brings discipline to our doorstep... the next he requiers our help and assistance.

Becky brings the illustration to the "simpler" marriage image... YEAH RIGHT. Okay guys... which of you has figured out your wife's total reasoning? Who among us would DARE say he totally understands the marriage relationship... So, in our confusion of how that works in our "normal" life, now we have to figure out how it relates to G_d.

Becky brings up a GREAT point: If we're to equate a marriage relationship with the Creator, why didn't we "date?" If we did "date," why don't I remember it? When did we fall in love? Assuming the Marriage took place at salvation, where was the "Honeymoon?" Why don't I remember it? And worse: In an Earthly marriage, we at least have the consolation that s/he's wrong as often as I am... It's so Alien to consider that you're never wrong... but never rub it in our face... and you love me anyway.

How does one relate to you, G_d?

How do I relate to you?