Spinning Plates, Juggling Bowling Balls

Y'ever get those days, weeks, months where you feel that your life has been an engine revving out of gear? That feeling of sitting at a stop light and somehow the shifter got knocked into neutral while you weren't looking... Or worse, the transmission goes out just as the light turns green and... YOU'RE OFF!... Then you get that momentary sinking feeling in your gut as the optical illusion of the cars going by you make you feel like you're going backwards?

What the heck am I doing? Why am I not moving? What am I doing wrong?

Sound familiar? Sometimes I'm so concerned with treating everyone fairly and right that I end up beating myself up over the possibility of being wrong. Focusing on being right rather than that one first love of mine: "That they might know you, the only true G_d & Messiah Yeshua who you have sent."

It's so easy to get this wierd focus on the completion of a chore, the execution of a project or the delivery of a final product. It's far too easy to measure myself based on income, profit or the satisfaction of a client. Continually critiquing myself in the harsh eyes of reality that i'm not perfect.

Everyone's eyes seem to turn into harsh, cold mirrors that reflect my every mistake and flaw. Frustration leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering... no, wait... that's yoda... you get the point.

When I get focused on my imperfections, limitations & insufficiencies, the gears slip and gas burns but nothing happens.

If I'm not careful, I just stop trying. Then there's those other condemning people who tell you that they have "never thought of quitting."

Yeah, right. That's just not human.

Well, today is another day. And today, I want to do the best Jesus impression I know how to do.

Maybe. Just possibly. Someone will get us confused and they'll see a little bit more of him than me today.

Staring thru Sunglasses

Tim Lucas of Liquid has gotten me somewhat addicted to listening to U2. I stumbled upon a quote by Bono: "it is impossible to meet G-d with sunglasses on." I don't generally SPELL out "gee-oh-dee." No, I'm not jewish. It's a personal practice.

This creator made some seriously cool stuff. But he made one item that never ceases to amaze me: people. Whether they're in need or wealthy... whether they're arrogant or humble... rude or kind... mean or nice... strange or normal... they're all created in the image of the creator. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone when you don't consider that. I can easily want to see a person suffer when I don't consider that they deserve the exact same punishment I do. Then i have to stop being so friggen cocky (it's a barely noticable trait) and consider the other person through different eyes.

I sometimes tend to walk up to a person who is taking up space and breathing air and approach them as an object that has one of two purposes:

1. Do as I wish or instruct
2. Piss me off

It seems those are the two most popular choices... And with only THOSE two choices, it's not surprising that the second happens far more often than the first.

Now, I'm not simply looking for people to either please me or get out of the way... most of the time. But we all do that. We all walk into a scenario with other people and a set of loaded expectations and a deck stacked against them. The problem is, they are often walking in with an equally stacked deck. It then becomes an others/self sceneario. So why is it so easy to only think about what will affect "me?"

Well, my current answer is: I live with myself 24 hrs a day... 7 days a week... 365 days a year. I have to spend holidays with myself, weekends, vacations, sporting events... i can't even go to the bathroom without myself. Really. Can't a person have some privacy?

We are surrounded with "self" and so little time do we spend with others. It's like ... well, it's like Coach Sal & Jogging. I know the dude runs like 9 million miles a day because he surrounds himself with all the trimmings of a runner. In the same way, we tend to surround ourself with ourself.

When we perform well, we see that as a jewel of our life... We set it on display. We polish it. We prize it. We want it noticed. But, when we don't perform, that's something else to throw into the closet of unforgettable memories. And yet, that over loaded closet has armed guards and is often protected more than our treasured parts. The closet gets full; overflows & spills out so that now everyone is pointing at our faux pas. Our jewel gets scuffed and begins to smell of the rank disgust of our room of disgrace. Now we must over compensate and create confidence out of cocky.

It's tougher to walk into the presence of someone so selfless as Yeshua when my self seems to be such a big part of who I am. Everyone tells us to "be yourself." We spend years trying to "find" ourself. Philosophies make it necessary to "know" one's self.

Now you have this self-proclaimed deity dude saying forget yourself. So we trade freedom with the barrier of cool sunglasses. And safest place to appear without your sunglasses, becomes the most difficult place to go.

With so many Xtians (where x is the Greek letter Chi which stands for Christ the greek word for Messiah) who parade about as if to say: "Y'know, Jesus could have simply pricked his finger and washed my sin away... but he had to DIE because of you." It's easy to forget that they're just as trapped by their sunglasses, too. Almost all of us have a hiding place that we don't even want the Creator to come. Almost all of us have times where we want to wear a disguise in hopes that even our Savior doesn't recognize us. Sometimes it's pride. Often it's fear. Mostly it's guilt. But it's not guilt heaped on by your Father.

The cost of church

Number one: You need to listen to Liquid's Rock G-d series. Needless to say, it rocked. Particularly the last one: How to save a Life.

It seems almost necessary for us as Xtians (Where X is the letter Chi as an initial for Christ which is Greek for Messiah) to proselytize others and do the whole Bait & Switch thing.

It kinda goes like this:

• Make a friend (this can be tough for some, but we'll hit that later)
• Have them entertain thoughts about their inevitable demise (creepy)
• Get them to admit they're wrong (highly necessary in Church, Yeshua didn't do it often)
• Get them to admit you're right (if you don't believe in miracles, well admitting I'm wrong is one thing... Admitting you're right... HAH!)
• Get them to commit to waking up at a new hour on Sunday
• Get them to purchase a new wardrobe of polo shirts and longer skirts for church
• Teach them the lingo (holiness, righteousness, blessings, escatology, baptizo, abundant & joy)
• Get them to sing like you (not much of a "blessing")
• Get them to carry this big leather book
• Teach them the importance of the Big Leather Book
• Get them "saved" in the manner prescribed by your denomination of choice
• Make sure they devote enough time to the "work"
• Guilt them into giving, doing & speaking within spitting distance of you
• Teach them to replicate the process

I call it MLM-Church. Quixtar Assembly. First Amway of His Holy Presence.

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are.

Have you ever noticed that it seems to be the Requisite Job of church people to point out what's wrong with every other church and (especially) those not in church. I find this an effective way to make friends: I point out everything they do wrong. Particularly the crowd that does something I (& Jesus) blatantly would disagree with. For example: What if I meet a woman of questionable repute? It is one thing to smile at her in the grocery store and say hello... but i need to make sure that I speak negatively about her reputation as much as Jesus would! Or what about a person who has questionable business morals... they rip people off. I should make sure to NEVER eat with such people. These people have nothing to do with Jesus, church & good polo-shirt wearing company. And yet Zacchaeus & many prostitutes found their way into a family because: Love covers a multitude of sin...

What's worse: when we do get a convert... our own personal one... we make sure that they realize their salvation was a gift... our friendship is not. We beat them up.

Needless to say, it's one thing to see a person come into this Grace-Family... They don't have to work for G-d's love... but they sure as hell have to work for ours. Seems fair.

All that said, Naeem's message at Mosaic was well put:

• Salvation is free
  It will cost me nothing
• Passionately following Christ
  will cost me something